Archive for category Grace is a Christian Condition

Stories of Life

Movies, books, radio, recordings as well as music and art tell us stories of life. They emphasize circumstance and values viewed from every perspective one can imagine. These are creations often filled with both fact and fiction. Created and expressed by the multitudes who both live and observe life’s experience in this world, they always touch part of us. We see a bit of our values and reflection of character expressed in our reaction as we embrace all these.

It is fascinating to observe life and to experience it. The interesting thing is that our experience from birth, possible from conception, actually affects how we receive and how we express each detail of life. Two people can share side by side experience and yet have a totally different experience. They can share intimate moments and have a different response. With these complex realities, one comes to realize that we are very complex creature. This causes me to identify communication as one of the most important and simultaneously most difficult things we do.

I, for example, am a hopeless romantic. I am a man of over six decades and I watch a rerun of a movie like “You’ve Got Mail” or Sleepless in Seattle and get choked up. I see a good love story or expression of great tribulation and triumphant overcoming and cry. I listen to certain symphonic or orchestral arraignment and become emotional to tears. A sad love song or good love story will bring me to all kinds of emotion. Sometimes a photograph or even a simple thought of moments lost and efforts not made will bring me to emotions of anger, helplessness and great Joy and happiness.

I think one of the most exceptional forms of expression come from physical intimacy. I love deep penetrating looks into the eyes of another person and the touch of their skin. I love the complete surrender of one’s self to another with out self-imposed restriction do fear or inhibition from some previous life experience. To be totally vulnerable and feel safe at the same time is an awesome moment.

Trust is an element of intimacy that cannot be replaced by any other feeling and is not easily faked as it involves all of a person. It is also fragile and easily damaged. For some, if broken it may never be rebuilt. We become self-protective and forgiveness is easy to claim but difficult to actually construct.

It is noteworthy that robotics scientist recognizes the need for a computerized device to learn by trial and error and see it as a necessary part of programming. Then on a human level, we fail in the area of forgiveness and renewal which is part of the trial and error process. Forgiveness and encouragement of constructive and informed actions are withheld over even simple things. The exchange of information that will improve function or intimate and valuable interaction is withheld. Withholding then produces, an action which completely goes against foundational relationship and communication. We become offended and withhold those very things which would heal and improve failure and disappointment as we learn.

Unlike the programming of the robot, the human communication requires a permissive action of each individual involved. We have to receive and impart information if we hope to understand or alter the character of the relationship towards another. I used to think I was good at this communication process but with age, I find I have been at times poor at it. Observing the result is the reason for this statement. Not in the sense that I cannot communicate but in the sense that I have found the communication sometimes superficial and shallow. The process of sharing at a deeper personal level has been and continues to be nearly a total failure. Not in every case , however notably in some. The reason this is an area of concern and brought up is this is where the foundational changes reside. Things that are shallow and superficial never get to the root of the things needing recognition and change. If we only stay at this level we are controlled by emotion and circumstance rather than taking control and commanding the circumstances by affecting reciprocal change. I think my relationship with my wife, our children, in long-term association bears this out. This is not a proud profession but rather a humble realization.

I have noticed in the Bible when salvation and redemptive rejuvenation take place the heart is not repaired, rather it is replaced. This is a huge statement of the human condition. This may shed light on how difficult selfless conduct is in the human interaction.

I have met people who seem much better at it than I. It is possible that deep with in recognition of this reality is why movies that reflect love and selfless intimacy or interaction cause me to become emotional. It is touching on a greater pain of failure towards achieving the same in my own life. It seems shameful that I see ocassions of myself and so many others who obviously have never connected on a deep interpersonal level.

In my most important relationship other than that of my God I consider myself a failure at this point in life. That would be the reflection of relationship with my wife. When we were getting to know who each other was and trying to form a relationship we were much more interested in each other than we have been for the last thirty years. We seem to have grown apart, not closer. Where is the honest communication in a relationship that develops increasing silence and superficial communication? Where is honesty, honesty with self and your mate? Where is blame when it lies first in self?

It occurs to me in the effort to destroy (defeat) Gods creation of man a foundational principle took place. In the garden, before the fall, in the morning God would meet with Adam and walk with him and talk with him. When God created Adam a mate Adam thought it was very good. Then Adam allowed Satan, the serpent, to corrupt him by eating of the Tree of Good and Evil which gave him a perspective he did not previously have. It gave desire and knowledge, not in Adams character.  There was a communication failure between Adam, Eve and God having been perverted by Satan. The immediate result was a spiritual death (not a physical death) of Adam and Eve. This (death) is described as Separation from God. They no longer walked together and talked together. The relationship suffered a communication loss. 

God now had to implement a plan to reinstate the communication with his beloved mankind. In short, that renewal takes place when we accept and come to Jesus the Christ. The divide is overcome as the one that comes to Christ is given to become a New Creature in Christ, receiving a new heart, and now has a direct communication in the Throne room of God. This is, in my opinion, the greatest miracle of all, the renewal of man to God through the payment in full of the penalty of Sin by the Son of God. Jesus, the anointed one, did this on our behalf. God first loved us when we were totally unlovable and undeserving. He had the Grace to move past the divide towards the solution to the divide as he presented his Son the Christ to die for my sin. What an incredible display of Love and Grace for those having a perverted understanding of the same.               

What would happen in our life if we actually forgave and reached out in Love to our spouses, our families, our relatives with a true and honest communication? What if we walked together in a joint exercise learning the Word of God, in Knowing the Person of God who actually describes Himself as Love. He is the definition of Love. It is His character we want to emulate, to put on so to speak as we put on clothing.  What if we let go of self by releasing control of our life circumstance to Christ and trusted him to handle the necessary development to overcome our broken nature. God has in fact given us the tool to do that when we come to his Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus tells us himself that he has sealed us with His Holy Spirit as a promise of His return to receive us as His Bride and take us to be with the Father God.              

To stay in the theme of the above writing God has given us a six thousand-year history of prediction revelation, of life example and Holy Spirit inspired word to Communicate His incredible Love for us. He has given us the tools the ability and even the desire to embrace his gift of Life and Communion with the God of Creation. We have the person of Wisdom shouting from the street to call for Him and we will Receive Him. We have the Seal of the Holy Spirit guaranteeing we shall not be lost and we come to Christ as a perfect spotless Bride. We have the unchanging Character, the perfect Person of God who has pursued us and sought to communicate with us since the dust of the earth had Life Breathed into it by God himself.

Why than struggle with strife, hatred, division, separation, and refusal to grow and communicate with the most important person in our life. Why submit to the great distraction of life trials, of selfish needs, of mental fears and to lusts and perversion. The reason is really reduced down to the desire of the enemy, Satan to prevent the simplest act of communication between you, the creation, and God, the creator.

Let’s strive to choose Life, to accept the persons of God the Father, of Christ the Son and our redemption, of the Holy Spirit who teaches our spirit and communicates for us where we do not know how to communicate with God. Embrace the person of Wisdom and consume the Living Word of God.

It is Jesus Christ himself who tells us that if we will put our eyes on Him first, that He will take care of all of these other things in our life. We have a tendency, do our previous slavery in submission to sin, to focus on all the problem, the trappings, the exaggerations and lusts of the world we view in life as our first priority. We demand control, then we seek to blame someone when it does not work out right and seek God as a desperate solution to our circumstance. In this, we build divide, division, separation, and so on as we leave God out of our actions. He, God is the only one who can see the beginning from the end. He knows the attacks that will come. He will light the path but we must allow it by turning to Him. When we demand control, He will give you the wheel. You may not turn the lights on when you need them.

I took sixty-nine years to come to the point of realizing no matter what else is in your moment of life, the single most important decision we make in each day is to put our eyes on Christ (the anointed One) first. Then give him control and his provision, his plan, his guide in all of your association is the single perfect thing that can happen in our life. 

God is eternal, he is the Alfa and the Omega. We, you and I are described in the Bible in this thing we call Life as but a vapor. Think about that a moment as you measure all of your priorities. A vapor if you have ever observed a tea kettle steaming, that vapor is here and gone in an instant. Yet, God says things like “He knew us before the foundations of the earth were laid”. He knit us together in the womb and we have an eternal life.  As we measure the enormity of this I suggest putting the brief years we have (60, 80, 90) in comparison to the above. 

I ask myself, do I want to let the perceived image of all that this world offers to dilute the reality? Do I want to let all of the circumstance, the drama, the excess of temporary and brief life interfere with the communication that my God has sought with me? The answer is really simple. Communication with Him and the relationship of His love is the single most important thing in the entirety of this brief thing we call life. This Communication with the one who sought us first, who loved us first, who redeemed us and renewed us to him that we might, Walk with Him, and Talk with Him, is the single most important thing you can do in this life. It is literally the foundation and the value that should affect every other communication in our life.

You must daily make a decision, which voice, which communication will guide you and create who you become. Where will it lead you? Will you choose to build Life or death? I personally have chosen Life; for Life choose me First and pursued me even when I was lost and unlovable. He, My God, the God of Creation and the giver of Life has since the beginning of time sought to commune with me. Do you realize that is our position?

Choose Him, Choose Life, do not be silent and continue the divide, Embrace and Communicate each and every day of your life. It, after all, is the foundation of LIFE.

by Mark A Edgar

a personal testimony


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Polished and Prefected

the-wordHaving the honor of giving Praise to our Lord last night I was blessed with remembrance and evidence of the Lords desire for my and your life. As I attended service with Bible College students during Praise I had a notion of entering the Throne Room, the Holy of Holies and basking in the light of the Lord our God. This was soon expanded with the reminder of Rivers of Living waters flowing and I felt as though it was flowing right from the center of my being as I am a new man in Christ. As I saw this in my mind’s eye I came to a memory of my youth.

*( note: for those who may not be familiar, at the Crucifixion of the Lord the veil into the Third chamber of the tent of Worship, the Holy of Holies was covered from floor to ceiling with a veil (curtain) and only the Priest was allowed beyond that point. The common man, (those not in the Priesthood) did not have admittance for audience with the Lord. After the crucifixion and the death of Christ there was an earthquake and the veil was torn floor to ceiling. The separation of man from the personal relation with his Father God would once and for ever be removed and we would see this manifestation at the Day of Pentecost with the giving of the Holy Spirit. At the time we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and are born again we become a new thing of which Christ was the first. We are born again and now God can look upon us and have fellowship with us again as he did in the Garden. He can walk with us and talk with us and call us His own and we have fellowship with Him. We can come to the Throne Room of God the Father.)

The memory took me back to eleven and twelve years of age as I used to walk down the ally a block and visit my Grandfather. He had taken up a study of geology and lapidary in his senior years. He was very dedicated and was granted an Honorary Degree of Geology by the University of Idaho. As he gathered rocks from around the northwest he filled a rock shop and made jewelry. I could add a series of paragraphs about his skill and honor him but lets simply accept that I was taken to remembrance of my relationship with him. I would go and watch him work for hours at a time. He, seeing my interest began to include me in his travels and I would anxiously join him. I watch him make jewelry and took in his every public display with joy and great respect for this man who allowed me to be in his presence.

My mother had four boys and became upset at the fact that he only took me and none of the other boys with him on outings. As a mother would, she years later informed me, confronted him wanting know why. The answer was really quite simple, her father informed her tha I was the only one that had ever shown any interest in him and the things he was doing. I had you see, sought to be with him. He honored me by allowing me to have that association.

One of the tools Grandpa’s shop was a “rock tumbler”. To digress, when we went on rock hunting trips grandpa Phelps could see formations in the natural ground and know the likely treasures of gem stone that would be found in those formations. We could walk and he would see a rock on the ground covered partially and dirty, or could dig and expose rocks seemingly just another stone and he knew its potential. We would collect them and return to the shop here the tools of the trade were at hand. Then would begin to unfold at the skill of the master artesian a collection rubies, or opals, star garnets or Jasper. Geodes would be sawn in half to reveal their certain and spectacular inner beauty. Petrified wood and stones of many types would be cut and polished to reveal their many unique colors and beauty, each different and each special. I especially was surprised by the tumbler as many small and seemingly simple unimpressive pieces of rock we put into a hexagon drum with water and it would churn for sometimes days.

The constant churning would rib the rocks against each other and the flat surfaces would cause them to tumble and ever so slightly be tossed that the constant irritation would wear the flaws and the extrusion from the surface. All the contents would become polished to a high degree and the specific perfect beauty of each piece would be revealed. As this metamorphosis took place the artesian, my grandfather could them embellish each piece as desired with gold and silver, each would become a showpiece with greatly enhanced value and desire to be sought after and kept.This has happened with no little effort and with a great love of the transformation of the seemingly unworthy stone. All of this process was in my remembrance in a moment of time.

I saw this as these rocks were washed and polished a became reflective of their potential as men in preparation. I saw the water become the Word of the Holy God which has been give us all and the word was scrubbing off the flaws and rough edges. The unwanted crust and filth was being chipped away as the word tumbled around and refined the man. We were polished and made valuable beyond our ability and imagination by the washing of the word of God. I saw that the seeking of my grandfather was honored and rewarded by the presence in my life of him. He sought after me and asked me to be with him that I and he could have a joy in the relationship. He could teach me and I could grow and become a better person having a greater ability and value.

I then saw that the reason this was reminded me was I had sought the relation of my grandfather. If we, you and I will seek the Father, if we will pursue the word, take it into our life and let it do its work each day and not grow weary in the doing then it will polish us and bring us to the perfect thing of beauty that the Lord has in mind for us,.He will honor us if we seek him and he will come to spend time with us. Sometimes those rocks are broken, sometimes they are cut, they may even be shattered and sharp rough edges remain but once they are tumbled and polished, they are crowned in their perfect glory they have a tremendous new value.

This is what the Word of God consumed and prevalent in our life will do for us. God will work his will, he will shape and polish and from us into the perfect and valuable plan which is unique to us.

You are a precious stone in the house of the lord;

First Peter 2: 1-7 NASB    Therefore, putting aside all malice and deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. 4 And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, 5 you also. as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6 For this contained in scripture: “BEHOLD, I LAY IN ZION A CHOICE STONE, A PRECIOUS CORNERstone,AND HE WHO BELIEVES IN [HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.”7 This precious value, then, is for you who believe; but for those who disbelieve,“THE STONE WHICH THE BUILDERS REJECTED,

Our Christ, the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings is the first of this new thing which God has ordained and Christ is the builder. We are a work which He has done and that not of our doing. The world does not understand and we are the light, the example, the path way that they in a dark place may see and come to their rightful home in Christ. We are his ambassadors here in the world to shine and speak on his behalf. Be not reluctant to let the Word of God remake you into the creation he always intended you to be.

BOTF/ Mark A. Edgar
God Bless.


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Have you Been Healed/Had devine intervention

Christians I have met frequently believe in Supernatural Healing. Some friends in the Christian community express a believe that the healing ministry was only for the apostolic era as were gifts displayed in the book of Acts. Generally those of the later state God could allow such at any time and therefore it would not be fair to say that healing and acts of the apostles could not happen.

I attend a church where there is not only a belief in the power of Prayer and the move of the Spirit to manifest Healing but there is an expectation of such. I am not intent on debating theology in this article but will address by personal confession circumstance as witness and some thoughts from conversations with numerous people.

Recently I’ve been asked if I could address a time of healing and write about it. I commented I would not know just how to address the seemingly easy question. One could say you either believe in healing or you do not. It seems if you have been healed you could itemize the moment and manifestation of the healing. Deciding I would give this some thought I now try putting it in perspective. It is difficult to think in narrow terms of the one time or moment. Please bear with me. I cannot think of a time I have not had God’s Spirit with me. Those of you who are not believers will say things like luck of the draw, chance, or fate but will choose not to credit God. I will not only credit God but will go to the extreme when I conclude. I note additionally in childhood my brothers and I were packed off to church on Sundays. We attended a Congregational Church and there had been numerous preachers in the family from my mother’s side. My father was a private person and life had taught him to keep things personal close. My mother never left you wondering what she thought as she would tell you. I think my character drifted more towards my mothers side.

Having attend church and Sunday school I may have come to Christ in my youth but as an adult I made a conscious, intentional and very public profession of Faith at age twenty-six.  I had been a believer since I can remember. Even in grade school I was raised in a time when the Bible was read in class and even in our newly constructed Jr. High School the Ten Commandments were posted on the wall at the entry. Many times I stood reading those words and wondering at the God that declared them. This back ground is pertinent as my belief was grounded in the fact that Christ was real and the doubt many have was not present. Only the many unanswered questions I contemplated which is another post.

My thought:    What would one consider healing? What is the moment that God moved in your life? My thought goes much broader as you will see. At what point in my life has God not moved would be a more appropriate question. I will recap moments which have had a significant impact on me over the years. In doing I trying to guesstimate the age accurately when they occurred.

  • At age twelve my mother and family friend with her children visited the Strike Dam. Having a picnic, including a tour of the dam’s interior. After coming our of the interior mother and friend were taking pictures of us kids. I sat up on a railing above the spill way and the turbines which were stirring the water at an extreme rate. As the picture was take my mother and friend turned away and the other kids did also. I was coming off the safety rail in a black and yellow zone which was intended to warn of danger. I should not have been on the rail and as I went to get off I lost my balance and began to fall backwards toward the water. To this day at age 69 I still have a mental picture of the moment and do not know how my little hands gripped the rail and pulled me upright so I could come off the rail. I just know one moment I was going to fall and the next I was safely down. All others we oblivious of what just happened.
  • At age sixteen I had my own car and frequently drove all over with out hesitation. I had been to the mountains in an area of Pine Idaho. I had my brother and a friend with me and we were heading to Mountain Home Idaho. The highway was under construction. The new road bed was being built and was closed to traffic. The old highway was next to it and we had been watching the process for weeks. It was growing dark when we headed down the mountain and it was completely dark when we got to the section with the new road bed. It had a large road closed sign blocking entrance but we decided to try the new road out as it was nice and smooth being finish graded so we were going to be cool and drive it.  I was racing down the road at sixty and seventy miles an hour and suddenly had a thought I must stop. Neither passenger could understand why I was making a panic-stop and neither could I. It was in my spirit, the inner voice, that I had to stop now. Just as we came to a halt my headlights fell on a cutout in the road for a culvert placement. It was several feet across and several feet deep. The ensuing wreck had it occurred would have been horrific and deadly.
  • At age seventeen  I worked on a Ranch on the Idaho Nevada border area called the Riddle Ranch. It was adjacent to an Indian Reservation. Being a bunch of single young ranch hands you can imagine that mischief was not far away. One night several of us decided to take my vehicle to Mountain City Nevada and see if we could get an Indian to buy us a bottle of whisky. (I was driving my parents 1959 Chevy Suburban with seating for eight) Arriving in Mountain City we found an Indian who said he would by us a bottle, we gave him the money and of course he ditched us and took the money. We were returning to the Riddle Ranch and I was driving at my usual pace which was always fast. On a straight stretch of road I was running about one hundred and five mph when for one tenth of a second or less I saw a speck of white and locked up my brakes. I had six guys yelling at me wanting to know why I was stopping and what was wrong with me.  I stopped  about five feet from one of five Black Angus cows bedded down on the road. One of them had looked at my headlights for a split second and that was what I saw. Again, we were spared from a horrific accident
  • Again at seventeen  I and some friends were out cruising the night. We were traveling a rural road that intersects Highway Thirty south of Mountain Home. The road also was aligned with a railroad crossing. As we proceeded down the road we could look at the right and see a vehicles head lights going down highway thirty. I had a reputation for being an extremely fast and capable driver and the challenge came up to beat the car to the intersect and I could take the rail crossing. The race was on and I was going a very high rate of speed. Again that voice in my spirit, that inner voice told me to stop. I stood on the brakes and the passengers again started yelling what are you doing you have him beat!  I could not ignore the voice and came to a stop at the stop sign and waited for the coming car to pass. It took a minute and when it passed I kicked my headlights on bright and started across the road. My blood ran cold a moment later as a string of black coal cars were parked across the rail crossing and it was unusable. We would have had a high-speed impact with those cars.
  • I won’t even go into the eighteen month tour in DaNang Vietnam which cost my best friend and 59,478 others their life. I came home and was untouched by injury.
  • At age twenty hauling a load of cattle over Donner Summit and had just started down the Nevada side when I was passed by a suburban with about eight or ten people in it. Coming off the summit I reached a point where I could pick up a couple of gears. I looked in my mirror to check traffic and when I looked back to the road in front of me I see the suburban was in the lane in front of me at a near stop with all occupants looking over the road side at the view. In a split second I thought to leave the road over the edge which was sure death, I glance in the mirror as I simultaneously pulled the air horn with one hand, standing on the brake and pulling myself out of the seat with the other. A car passing me realized the danger and floor boarded his car lurching past me and another starting to pass me stood on his brake and I squeezed between. The suburban literally disappeared beneath my large Kenworth hood as I missed by mere inches. This would have been a very bad wreck.
  • At age twenty-two I was going up a mountain road in winter ice and snow conditions when I began going down hill backwards in a forward gear. I knew if I went over the hill backwards I would roll the truck. I got out on the fuel tank and was standing there with one hand reaching in the cab to hold the steering wheel and debating to jump. I wondered if I did could I survive the temperature, could I survive the jump, could I survive a roll over in a loaded semi? I got back into the cab, sat down and did the best I could to control the truck. I felt that I should pull the trailer brake which was against ever instinct I had but I did anyway. The trailer wheels dug into the frozen gravel on the off-road side just as you go over the edge and stopped the truck. I sat for hours in freezing windy conditions until some one came along at daylight that could call for help at the next city. I had heat and protection the whole time.
  • At age twenty-five I had a logging truck and was hauling a load out in the winter from a logging road. As I started down the mountain it was raining real hard and the road and hill-side turned to mud. My loaded trailer went sideways on the hill side and tried to pass me. I was going down hill facing upcoming switchback turns and had to accelerate to keep my load from passing me. I do not know how but I got straightened out and around the turns and down the mountain but I did in seconds.
  • At age twenty-six I was flying an airplane, a Grumman Tiger and at the time was selling them. I had flown to Mountain Home the previous night and was making a daylight departure on a cold frosty morning. As I sat at the end of the runway I friend that ran the local FBO came on the radio and said hey Mark I hear that Tiger is a real performer why don’t you give us something to watch this morning. Non pilots will probably not see the significance of this but those who have flown will. Some will have names for me like stupid, lucky or other epithets we wont imagine. I radioed that I will see what I can do. With that said I made a decision to execute a maneuver I had never done before. I have always been very good with anything mechanical and always had a good feel for how things operated and great confidence. I did a full RPM static Mag check twice at the end of the runway “literally” and rolled the trim tab all of the way forward to help keep the plane from flying out of ground effect. As I checked and cleared the pattern area I did a max run up with brakes on and then released. Flying the full length of the run way I pulled the yolk into my chest and proceeded to do a hammer-head stall at the end of the runway. Coming back down I proceeded to the other end in ground effect again and did the same maneuver but instead of doing the hammer head I rolled out flat in a standard departure. What is the point, in retrospect this is a very dangerous maneuver which went off flawlessly and could easily been in the local news headlines as the death of a local pilot when he stalled on departure.
  • Most recently I made what could have been a fatal error.I love to ride motorcycles. I quit ridding when I had a family do no convenient time to purchase another bike. My last had been a 650 which I loved to ride. Some months ago I had been through a heart attack. When I was in the hospital (only two days) I thought if I am ever going do some of these things I want like riding a bike again I had better do it as one of these days I could wake up dead or unable. Long story short I bought a 1200 cc high performance Victory Octane. I knew I needed to be careful to get my safe riding habits back and at this point have ridden  nearly three thousand miles on the bike. About three weeks ago and several hundred miles back I made an error. I was on a high way and decided to turn around and take a different route. I also decided to make a rolling u-turn rather that a full stop and proceed after clearing traffic. Not a good decision. I cleared the traffic in the on coming lane and looked in my mirror to clear the rear. Simultaneously I hit some loose gravel which got my full attention diverted and thinking I had a clear lane I began my u-turn. As I did this I immediately heard the screech of brakes in a panic stop and turning my head left seeing an approaching white SUV. I understand how inertia and forces work on a vehicle. I know when a fast-moving vehicle locks its brakes the nose of the vehicle dives down. I know when you turn left the right side dives down and the left rises. As I turned my head I also locked my brakes stopping in half the length of my bike. What I watched happen is not possible. I looked at the vehicle approaching with the right side of he vehicle was so high in the air I could see all of the right tire, the suspension and the axle and even the axle across to the other side which was elevated about half as much. This while I sat with not one bit of fear and watched as this SUV was suddenly in the other lane and pulling off the road around the front of me to park. What I just described is beyond physical possibility. The vehicle was a deputy sheriff and his first words were Your Guardian Angle is working today. Yes, He was. I don’t make rolling U-turns anymore.

One more story which is about the hospital, my cardiologist and our conversation. For information he is a new cardiologist to me. I want to recap this story as it is major in what I want to say.

I had this last heart attack on October 1st, a bit over ten months ago. I also had one eight years prior to that. In the first instance I was admitted from the emergency room when I stopped in because I did not feel right. It resulted in a three-day visit to the hospital and addition to my life style of a cardiologist and blood pressure medication. This was through St. Luke’s Hospital.

In the time between the two I signed up for my Veterans benefits at the V A Hospital which I had never exercised. Needless to say when I had my second incident I had called the VA emergency and described a heart rate I could not get down and was told to come in. The result was a picture of every thing internal and test of every kind. As all of this culminated I requested all of my records in one location and one doctor which resulted in my receiving a new Cardiologist at the VA, Our conversation will recap the results.

The doctor sat me down explaining I had a heart that could not be repaired with surgery. Additionally I have an aortic aneurysm starting two inches from my heart which runs full length to the point the aorta splits and goes down my legs. The aneurysm goes down both legs to its end. The primary artery coming out the top of my heart has been at some time 100% blocked and collapsed and my body made a new pathway for blood flow on its own. The aneurysm for all practical thought is not repairable and if it were to rupture I have a few seconds to live. I was asked about pain from the hear attack and said I never had pain. The doctor said when did you tear your aorta and I said I have no idea. He said you have to know when you had that kind of pain. I said no, never had any.

The doctor retorted that people who have a heart attack say the pain was so bad they thought they were going to die. People that tear their aorta say they had so much pain they pray they are going to die and I have to know when this happened. I said no I have never had any pain period.

I then told the doctor that he had told me two very important things. First. except for a drug regimen there is nothing he can do for me and second that it is by the Grace of God alone that I was talking with him. I know that if I look at everything the doctor says I should not even be here “if”, my condition is all you look at. I am however and am better now then I’ve been for some time.

The point, I want to come to is “When Has God Not Been With Me”? As long as I can remember I have had things happen that protected me and kept me going. I have long been aware God never falters it is only we the fallen mankind that gets lost and rejects any fault in themselves. God gave me over to conception, he breathed life into me and he has sustained me for 69 years. I have been unworthy and at times unmindful of He, His Truth and His gif of Salvation. With out that gift I would be condemned and judged.

How many times has God sustained you and kept you in your times of need, moments of sorrow and how many times has he kept you from death and destruction that you never even knew was there? We can choose to deny, we can even be given over to our own choices. None the less, you are not without a spiritual reality beyond what you see and feel.

Christ I thank You for your Saving Grace, Renewal and the gift of “Awarness of the Holy Spirit of God”.

Born on the Fourth.

July 20, 2016




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